Broken
by ragenink
Summary: Post episode 503 Gail and Holly Fix :) Sometimes to put things back together you have to admit they are broken.
1. Chapter 1

**So this is my idea of a Holly x Gail fix because the fact that there has yet to be one is a little frustrating, but we have 16 episodes left this season so i have no given up. :)**

**Let me know what you think, i love hearing from everyone**

**Disclaimer: I wish i owned the show...but my bank account sadly proves that i do not. **

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Over the last three weeks or so Gail had spent her down time trying to pin point the exact moment she realized she could no longer shut off her emotions and disconnect from a situation. Every case seemed to weigh her down, to haunt her dreams. When did this become Gail Peck, this was very uncharacteristic for a Peck let alone Gail. She was usually able to shut off and file the issues away, to deflect any residual lingering feelings.

After talking with Oliver, Gail had made a plan to confront her wall-less-ness head on. Gail quickly changed into her jeans, combat boots, and one of three new cable knit sweaters she had seen online a few days ago. Her new hobby, shopping online was mindless enough to keep the ghosts of the last few weeks away, that and the whiskey.

It was 7 AM the night shift she had been working was thankfully over, during her conversation with Oliver it hit her, Holly, every part of her emotional awareness started with Holly. The realization made her angry, the tall brunet with chocolate brown eyes and lopsided smile had broken her. Holly had bulldozed her walls down and Gail was left figuring out how to rebuild them.

By 7:29 AM Gail had made her way to her destination, the place she figured would cause new walls to slam back into place and let her get back to being Gail Peck, the non-emotionally exposed person she had unknowingly become. The solid door quizzed under Gail's relentless pounding; she didn't care what time it was on a Saturday, she needed her walls back. The air outside was thick and cold leaving Gail to wonder if her lungs were hurting because of the air or because of the minor panic attack simmering under her normally calm composer.

"What!?" the door was yanked open by the mostly asleep brunet. "This is all your fault" Gail stormed past her into the apartment not really caring for an invitation; she had to get this out of her system before it completely consumed her. "Yeah sure you can come in." Holly muttered to herself, closing the door and following Gail to the kitchen.

"What are you blaming me for?" Holly asked tying her sleep messed hair into a less than neat knot on her head. "This, it's all you fault" Gail repeated taking off her jacket and pacing on top of Holly's counter. Holly started rummaging through a drawer breaking Gail's determined and pointed anger. "What are you looking for?!" Gail stopped pacing to stare at Holly; she was upset that Holly wasn't exactly paying attention to the conversation, or lack of a conversation. "My spare Taser in case you want to taze yourself in the eye" Holly rolled her eyes pulling coffee filters out of the drawer.

"If you are so insesent on having a conversation right now Gail I'm going to need coffee, especially if you are going to start blaming me for things." Holly turned her back to Gail and busied herself with making a pot of coffee. In the three weeks following the whole, meet the friends situations at the Penny, Holly had not attempted to contact Gail and Gail had made no effort to contact Holly. Not because neither one missed the other but because neither one was ready to take the blame. Gail waited patiently as Holly prepared her coffee, knowing that this was going to either be a knock out drag out fight or she was going to lose her edge and walk out in the next 5 minutes.

"You were saying it's all my fault" Holly sat at the counter rubbing her eyes. "Everything." Gail wanted to yell at her. "You know you came waltzing into my fucking crime scene, and somehow we became friends" Gail raked her fingers threw her hair causing it to go in every direction. "But also, I don't think we were every friends" Gail glared at Holly and started pacing again. "You kissed me in the fucking coat closet and things never went back to normal." Gail stopped abruptly and grabbed her jacket grasping desperately at her dissipating anger. "Nice chat" Holly muttered into her coffee anticipating what was promised to be a door-slamming exit from Gail.

"Why didn't you follow me?" Gail asked putting her jacket back on the table almost defeated. That was a move Holly hadn't been anticipating, Gail putting her jacket down, demanding more of this conversation. "What are you talking about?" Holly asked setting her cup on the counter. She had been asleep for all of 3 hours when Gail came pounding on the door and she hadn't really been awake enough to follow Gail's blame filled rant. "When I walked out of the penny why didn't you follow me?" Gail was upset but needed to know, on the list of things she had been beating herself up about the last few weeks, walking out of the penny had been second, the first was not trying to call Holly the next day.

"Something about tasing yourself in the eye instead of being around me. Thought I'd save myself the pain Gail" Holly huffed trying desperately to not yell at Gail. "Did you ever thing that what you said actually hurt?" Holly's was losing her internal battle, her voiced raising, she didn't want to be having this conversation let alone being blamed for Gail's actions. "As opposed to being a blue collar, beat cop, who is out of your league that your just having fun with?" Gail spat back her hand keeping a white knuckle grip on the counter in front of her. "Weird thing about this whole issue Gail is you said everything, I said none of that." Holly stood up and started pacing, at this point she didn't know if she wanted to run upstairs or out of her own apartment.

"You walked into a conversation at the end of it, that I was trying to end because Lisa was drunk and being stupid. I blew her off, and you fucking took her words as my own." Holly braced herself against the counter matching Gail's posture. "I never said any of those things, you however told me you would rather taze yourself in the eye than spend another moment with me. So excuse me for not following you out of the damn bar Gail." Holly has pissed, this conversation had been bubbling under her skin for weeks. She had been having this fight in her head for weeks, every time she thought about it she just go more upset.

They stared at each other for a while neither one of them moving or speaking, Holly was trying to control her anger before her neighbors called the cops for a domestic disturbance, at 8 in the morning on a Saturday. "So if someone's to blame Gail, it's the one of us that actually said those words" Holly sat down refusing to look at Gail, knowing her anger would just come boiling back. "I know you have only dated cops, but when you introduce someone to your friends it's not because you are just having fun, it's because you see it going somewhere." Holly let out getting up to refill her coffee cup trying to stop herself from simply throwing the mug across the room.

"I wasn't blaming you for the penny." Gail huffed, she was not about to lose this argument. "I was blaming you because since you came into my life I haven't been able to just let things go. I'm feeling things and that's never happened before. And every time I try to figure out where the hell it all started it starts with you, and your fucking smile, and kissing me." Gail grabbed her jacket this time making it to the foyer. "You broke me." Gail let out; the tears she has been trying to keep from falling for week overflowed and started streaming down her face. "Gail I think you've always been broken." Holly had her back to Gail fidgeting with the coffee maker the words were out before could stop them. "I'm sorry I didn't mean that" Holly turned around to find Gail walking out the door.

"Gail" Holly sighed going after her "Gail!" Holly yelled grabbing her by the arm and pulling her back into the apartment. "I didn't mean that, I'm sorry." Holly forced Gail to turn around; the breath caught in her throat when she noticed Gail was crying, tears streaming down her face. "Hey, I'm sorry." Holly tried to pull Gail into her arm but Gail took a few quick steps back leaving a few feet between them. "No you're right I've always been broken, and I always break the things I touch" Gail quickly wiped her tears. "I'm sorry for waking you up" Gail sighed trying to get past Holly who had stepped in front of the door. "Gail." Holly's voice was soft "please?" Holly pleaded trying to get Gail to look up at her.

Seeing Gail like this broke her heart, the same was it did when Gail walked out of the penny. How they had both found themselves so emotionally invested in their quick relationship was beyond them. "Why even bother Holly, I'm broken" Gail huffed trying to put on her ice queen stare but failing miserably. "No you're not" Holly took Gail's hands feeling them tremble in her own. "What is this really about?" Holly asked gripping Gail's hands tight; knowing there had to be some underlying reason for all of this. She couldn't keep hold of her anger when Gail looked so small. "Nothing Holly, I won't bother you anymore." Gail tried to free her hand for Holly's grip, but Holly wouldn't let go.

"Gail." Holly reached forward and hugged Gail to her, fighting to hold Gail as she tried to break free. "Baby" Holly breathed and Gail collapsed into her sobbing, Holly braced herself to hold Gail up, knowing that the blonde never let herself be this vulnerable. "it's not fair Holly, why do we get to keep going about things day to day like nothing happened and some people just don't make it?" Gail sobbed into Holly's shoulder her hands grasping desperately at her shirt. Holly hesitantly urged Gail back still holding her until Gail's calves hit the back of the couch. She fell back pulling Holly with her, Holly tried to brace herself as Gail's back hit the cushion, she didn't want to crush Gail.

They laid there for a while, for what seemed like hours as Gail started to calm down, her breathing evening out, the tears drying. It took every ounce of energy Holly had not to fall asleep. Laying at Gail's side trying to comfort Gail the best she could without really knowing the whole story, any anger from before had completely dissipated. "She's just a kid, and now she doesn't have a mom." Gail breathed her fingers interlocking with Holly's. "It's not fair you know" her warm breath falling on Holly's neck, they were facing each other, Gail's forehead resting against Holly's chin.

"She was fine, and then she wasn't you know. Her mom was doing laundry a typical day, mundane chores while her daughter went to play with a friend and then she doesn't have a mom anymore because some guy wanted to take over his gang. She was hit by a bullet that went through the air vent and now she doesn't get to see her kid grow up, and her kid no longer has a mom." Holly could hear the tears in Gail's voice as she spoke. "her mom will never see her graduate high school, college, get married, have babies." Gail continued her thumb running in lazy circles over the back of Holly's hand. Talking about Sophie hurt, somehow Gail related to it. She knew what it was like when Jerry died, when Chris almost died, no one knows there time "and I can't seem to move past that, knowing that doing a mundane chore could be the way I die, and dying not know where we standing Holly." Gail let out as Holly pulled her closer.

"Can we get back together?" Gail asked curing into Holly, her head moving to rest on my shoulders. "I didn't know we had broken up." Holly breathed settling in their new position. "Gail, if this is going to be a thing, you and me." Holly let her fingers find the patch of smooth skin at the base of Gail's shirt. "We have to talk, we are going to fight, but we can't twist each other's words" Holly felt her heart start to beat faster as Gail hugged her. "I've never cared what people think about me" Gail's lips ghosted along Holly's neck. "I wanted to make a good impression on your friends because I care what you think about me. I want them to like me because I like you, and when Dr. Boobs said those things it hurt because I didn't want you to see me like that." Gail hugged Holly tighter trying to eliminate any reaming space between them. "I don't think those things Gail" Holly shifted so she could see Gail's eyes.

Gail's eyes were the tell all, no matter how much she was able to put on a show of being a bad ass cop, Gail's eyes always gave her away. Every emotion played there and Holly knew how to read her. She could see the hurt, the worry, and the fear as Gail tried to look away. "I like you Gail, and dr. boobs sucks. I should have warned you to take what she said with a grain of salt but I had hoped she was going to be on her best behavior." Holly smiled before turning her head to let out a yawn. "We can start over with a clean slate, of you can walk out the door Gail, but you can't aim your daggers at me when you feel threatened." Holly smiled seeing the sleepy stare Gail was giving her, her blue eyes darkening with the need for sleep.

"Can I stay here with you today, I don't want to see the ass hats I live with" Gail laughed giving Holly a genuine smile. "God can we please go back to bed?" Holly laughed pushing Gail off the couch and leading them up to her bedroom; sleep had been threatening to overtake her strength as they laid on the couch. "I'm sorry for waking you up." Gail laughed while getting under to the covers after changing into the pajamas Gail had laid ownership on the first night she had stayed with Holly.

This felt normal, like the last three weeks hadn't happened, like no time had been spent apart from Holly. "Thank you for opening the door" Gail breathed tracing the lines on Holly's palm. "Will you shut up women" Holly pulled Gail to her and kissed her, her lips needing to feel Gail in that moment, proving to herself this whole conversation hadn't been a dream, that Gail was really in her arms, in her bed that they had really just talked things threw.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you to the amazing beta first-love88 for helping me with this chapter

**Disclaimer: owning the show and making money off this story is not something i do. **

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**Cracks **

Gail woke alone in Holly's bed, a little disappointed that the brunette was no longer keeping her warm but all too aware of her raw emotions. She realized quickly that the room was bright and that it more than likely was early afternoon. Fighting off the lingering anchors of sleep she got out of bed and changed back into the clothes she had been wearing early this morning when she barged into Holly's home. Padding down the stairs Gail found Holly stirring something on the stove, the smell hit Gail like a brick wall and she was suddenly all too aware of the lack of food consumed in the last 24 hours.

"Hey" Gail made her way to the counter sitting there not sure how to really approach Holly after their conversation this morning. "Hey" Holly smiled pulling her headphones out and setting them on the counter. "Sleep ok?" Holly asked pulling her glasses down from atop her head giving her the ability to see Gail. "Yeah, thanks for letting me stay over," Gail half smiled still not feeling 100% like herself but more at ease in her own skin than she had felt the last few weeks. The sharp edges of her lingering emotions still cut away at her resolve, wanting to ask Holly where they stood

"I'm sorry about this morning," Holly breathed turning off the stove and plating whatever it was she had been cooking. "I was an asshole," she put a plate in front of Gail before turning around to rummage through the fridge for something to drink, only satisfied when she pulled out 2 sodas figuring it was still a little too early for beer. "You don't have to apologize," Gail shyly looked up before accepting the soda Holly was offering her. "Thanks," she smiled setting it next to her plate not really wanting to broach the subject while not fully awake. "Can we talk after we eat?" Holly asked sitting next to Gail but keeping a bar stool between them. The distance felt cold and unfamiliar between them, their whole relationship, friendship included, had been spent close to each other.

Gail seemed to inhale the food that Holly had made, some kinda of been stir fry. Not only was she starving she loved it when Holly cooked, her food belonged in 5 star restaurants on the best eats lists or however they rank chefs. Holly always played off the comments stating that cooking was just another form of science, knowing chemical reactions was the key to creating a palatable meal. Once Gail's plate was empty, Holly walked over to the stove without a comment, picked up the pan, and filled Gail's plate again. "Trying to make me fat?" Gail eyed her before shoveling another fork full of food into her mouth. "Considering your stomach is like a bottomless pit, I've had to start buying food for four people since we've met." Holly laughed leaving the pan on the counter and returning to her seat.

They finished their food in relative silence, it wasn't the normal easy and calm silence it was the type that settled right before a storm. Gail's already raw nerves were on edge knowing that the conversation or really screaming match from this morning may not be completely over. Holly had felt the shift in the air when she woke up this morning, knowing that they hadn't really come to a conclusion to where they stood, also knowing that not everything was out in the open just yet. They hadn't ended on an _we are together _note, really, it had ended on Holly giving up on the argument because she said something boneheaded and holding Gail until she broke down talking about sophie. Holly needed to explain her side of things to Gail and she didn't think the blonde was going to really want start this argument over again.

"Is this going to be a long talk?" Gail asked rinsing her plate before putting it in the dishwasher. "It might be" Holly shrugged not sure where exactly that question was going to lead. "Can I have 10 minutes before we get into this?" Gail asked looking at her hands, still not ready to look into Holly's eyes. "Yeah, I'll make some coffee" Holly shrugged and walked to the coffee maker trying to stay close to the door in case Gail decided to bolt.

Holly stood at the counter trying to decide where to start, the kiss in the coatroom or Gail meeting her friends at the Penny. Holly had been letting these things simmer for months not sure how to breach the subject with Gail. If they were going to try to work this out, everything needed to be out in the open. Holly downed her first cup of coffee and made another settling for a caffeine high rather than resorting to Dutch courage. When Holly turned around Gail was standing on the other side of the counter back in Holly's pajamas.

"Can I have one?" Gail asked playing with the hem of the faded grey t-shirt. "Of course" Holly smiled before making Gail a cup of coffee, seeing her back in sleeping clothes was, reassuring her that Gail was willing and ready to actually talk because Gail wasn't likely to take off wearing those. "Sugar?" Holly watched Gail for a moment, knowing something was still off and hoping that talking about it would make it better. Gail's posture was defeated, not the slightly cocky shoulders back walk she was sued to, her eyes lacking the gleam Holly loved so much. "No thanks." Gail shook her head looking down at her mismatched socks.

Gail wasn't ready to give up on Holly, even though every fiber of her being was telling her to run. Gail had changed into the pajamas she had grown to love; they smelled like Holly. Thinking that if she wore them A: Holly couldn't A really kick her out and B: she wouldn't want to be seen in sleeping clothes in public. And she had to walk at least 3 miles to get home. "Thanks" Gail took the coffee Holly offered and walked over to the oversized leather chair Holly claimed was never used. Gail liked the chair; it was big enough for her to curl into but too small for two people.

"So." Gail chewed on her lip, all morning she had been afraid to look Holly in the eye, afraid to see what she believed was going to be the inevitable break up talk. "Ccan you just listen to me for a little while, I need to get some stuff off my chest" Holly breathed watching Gail, trying tosettle her nerves enough to talk, Gail just nodded into her coffee cup before taking a long pull from her steaming cup.

"When we met, Gail, I fought every part of me telling me to run because I was instantly attracted to you. That day in the lab when I told you I was a lesbian" Holly let out "no one has ever taken that so easily, at least no one I had just met" Holly stated setting her coffee cup on the table and pulling a pillow into her lap. "I knew I was in trouble that day, because I wanted to get to know you, you were snarky and insulted me more in the first few hours than anyone I had ever met but I was hooked. See like you I've lived behind a wall long enough to know when someone can potentially hurt me." Holly sighed afraid to look up at Gail. "Knowing that thought didn't stop me from hoping, it didn't stop me from kissing you in the coat closet at Frank and Noelle's wedding."

Holly played with the edges of the pillow trying to find a comfortable spot on the couch. "Gail, you terrify me." Holly finally let out looking up to meet Gail's eyes. "Because no matter how much I tell myself that we are too different, or that you're straight, I can't keep away from you. I've been in this kind of relationship before, the straight girl who for a few weeks thinks it's fun to kiss and sleep with me, then they get bored or miss being with men." Gail's mouth opened and closed, she so desperately wanted to say that wasn't the case with Holly, but Holly wasn't done and Gail said she would listen.

"The more we hung out, the more I woke up with you in my bed, the more attached I got" Holly sighed "I want this to last, and I don't know if it will and that scares me. And that night at the pPenny" she chewed on her lip trying to hold back the tears threatening to flow. "Gail, Lisa and Rachel had to pick me up after breakups that didn't go well. So to protect you and me both I tried to play down our relationship, I tried to convince them, and myself that this wasn't going anywhere. I wanted to convince them that we were just having fun, but the things is, everyone was aware that it was a blatant lie." Holly looked down. "Lisa was trying to talk me out of this relationship before I got hurt, and I kept trying to deny that I was falling in love with you." Holly's voice cracked and the tears started flowing freely down her cheeks.

Gail's felt the daggers in her chest listening to Holly. Gail got up from the chair and sat next to Holly trying to figure out if she wanted to hug her or kiss her. "Don't" Holly let out, her voice cracking as moved away from Gail, pacing in front of the TV. Her nervous energy mixed with coffee did not allow her to stay still. "For three weeks I've been trying to convince myself that we were having fun Gail, but my God, it wasn't working." Holly took off her glasses to wipe the tears from her face. "So Gail, if I'm just some phase you're going through, or I'm just some type of experiment I need to you to leave now." Holly sobbed feeling her heart break from her own doing. "Holly" Gail let out, it was soft and almost inaudible, Holly didn't look up or respond.

"Holly" Gail said more forcefully as she stood up from the couch. "Look at me." Gail demanded trying to keep her own tears from falling. Holly wiped her face again but didn't look at Gail. "Dammit, Holly look at me." Gail let out feeling herself lose the battle against her own tears. Holly's eyes slowly left the floor and met Gail's. "I'm sorry for not following you out of the bar Gail. God I wanted to follow but I was so angry. Blue collar is a term I hate; I went to medical school on a scholar ship and fucking Lisa and Rachel their high and might dads paid for everything. My mom was a single mom working her ass off to send me to the best schools. Gail I don't come from a world where we have money, or family legacies. Your family scares me because I'm afraid I'm not good enough to be with you, that you're out of my league." Holly sobbed trying to catch her breath felling a panic attack threatening to take over.

Gail pulled Holly into her arms feeling Holly's body shake overtaken by the tears. Seeing Holly like this was hurting Gail, seeing the brunette cry was breaking away whatever reaming walls Gail still had to guard herself. "My friends are snobs, and I was trying to dismiss what thy were saying because it's what I've always done. I was the charity case that got to hang with the cool kids for once and I let that define me" Holly tried to pull away from Gail but Gail wouldn't let go, in need to just hold Holly, and in fear of seeing her teary eyes. "I'm so sorry I didn't stick up for you. I guess my need to fit in with them turned me into them or something. Fuck" Holly cried harder finally warping wrapping her arms around Gail's middle. "After you left I laid into them Gail, for fucking saying those things,. I want you to know I don't think those things at all. Your amazing and I'm lucky that you let me see the real you, that you kissed me" Holly was trying to stop herself from crying but was failing miserably. Her voice cracking with each attempt as a new rush of tears started seeping through the material of Gail's shirt.

"I think I'm the lucky one" Gail breathed trying to control her own tears, not sure of the exact moment she started crying but knowing the warmth on her cheeks was the final ounce of control Gail had on her emotions. "Because I'm falling in love with you too Holly, as much as I've been trying to not admit that, it's true. I don't know about falling as much as this whole thing has been both of us jumping out of an airplane without parachutes" Gail cried trying to calm Holly down, before Gail could continue Holly's lips were on hers, warm and laced with salty tears. "Gail, I want to try, because the idea of not having you around terrifies me." Holly let out in a fast breath before attaching her lips to Gail's again.

The kiss was desperate and sloppy. Both still crying and both fighting for control. "I think though." Holly breathed backing away from Gail, trying to calm down. "I think we need to take this slow. Until we figure this all out" Holly sighed taking slow deep breathes. "Ok" Gail nodded using her t-shirt to dry her face. "Just one question?" Gail asked watching Holly. "Does this mean you're my girlfriend?" Gail laughed and Holly smiled for the first time since Gail had barged in this morning. "Yes, and your mine" Holly stepped in and placed a soft kiss on Gail's lips.

They settled on the couch in a familiar and comfortable silence, now finding it easier to breath and just in general to exist. Gail's emotions almost seemed in check again as Holly pulled her closer. It wasn't over, it was just beginning and like things that just start out, there were going to be struggles and fights, however, there was also a new budding love and understanding. Things don't stay pretty, shiny and new for long, but the gleam can always be restored with a little hard work and love. After all, the first step to fixing something is to admit it's broken.


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